So as you know, I like to use my blog as a journal as well as a place to share my crafty inspirations. This post is just because I need to vent, so bear with me.
I sit here with tears rolling down my face wondering why, why, why? Tyler came to me this evening and told me he has been thinking, and he wants to go live with his dad for the summer. I know the answer to the why, and it is so unfair! I just want to shake him and make him see things clearly, but I can't.
Backtracking to the beginning....... When Tyler was born, his dad and I agreed that he would pay $35 a week in child support and he would stay with him every other weekend. We have never gone through the courts and just worked things out between us. Mind you, I have had to bust my butt to provide everything for my kids. I have never put up a fuss if his dad didn't pay his child support, sometimes for months on end. Since I grew up without a dad in my life, it was more important to me that he spend time with Tyler.
We have always told Tyler that he is "lucky" to have 2 dads. My husband has been there since he was a baby, loves him and treats him no differently than Emily.
His bio dad is a decent guy, just very irresponsible and a "weekend dad". Sometimes he has a job, sometimes he doesn't. He never calls in between weekends just to say Hi to Tyler or find out or how his week has been. Heck, on his 16th birthday, he didn't even call until the next day.
On the flipside, when Tyler goes there for the weekend, they do lots of fun things. So, it's all fun and games while he is there. His dad doesn't have to teach him responsibility, punish, or any of the other not so fun things that being a parent involves. That has always been the job of my husband and I. I have always felt that as Tyler gets older and more mature, he will come to his own conclusions.
I know it is only 5 miles away, but how do we give the okay for this? How can we say no? He is 16 and this is what he wants to do. Do I put my foot down and cause tension between everyone, possibly have to deal with the courts, only for them to say at 16, he can choose where he wants to live.
Tyler assures me it is just for the summer, but what if he wants to stay? How can I possibly come home everyday and he not be here? I can't be a "weekend mom". I feel like I have failed, because he wants to leave.
He is such a good kid, he doesn't drink or do drugs, he has a good head on his shoulders. How can I let him do this in hopes that he will continue on the straight and narrow? How can I take the chance? I feel like his future is riding on this. I know in my heart I have raised him well, and that I have to trust that the morals instilled will carry him through. But, he is just 16, such an impressionable age.
I want to shake Tyler and say, don't you think if he wanted you to live with him, he would have fought me in the courts way back when. Whenever you are sick, need a ride, need money, or need to talk, who is it you come to? Its my husband and I. We have been given the role of the responsible parents, no its not all fun and games, but it is reality. It is our job to help you become a self sufficient adult, which means we can't always be your "friend".
I want to scream at his dad and say why? Why all of a sudden are you okay with this? He is 16, he needs structure and guidelines which I am afraid you will not enforce. Oh yeah, and if you think I will continue paying the high insurance premiums, your flipping crazy! Living with you, you get it all. The medical bills, the health insurance premium, school clothes, all of it! I will give you $35 a week if I feel like it and see how far that gets you!
Of course, screaming and shaking will get me nowhere. So, I won't really do that. It sure felt good for a minute though.
Hopefully, I can get a little sleep now. I hope to have some new crafty inspiration soon, there hasn't been much time for creating over this past week.